The Dead Duck

November 4, 2011 at 04:24:37
Specs: W2000, N/A
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. She laid her pet on the table, the vet put on his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said,

"I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet turned around and left the room, returning a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the duck from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

He turned to his computer, hit a few keys and printed a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1500!" she cried, "$1500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1500."


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#1
November 4, 2011 at 18:00:54
I've heard this one with variations but this is the best one yet... thanks!

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#2
November 5, 2011 at 13:28:13
That is so funny a little sad but funny.

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#3
November 7, 2011 at 06:42:32
That's great. We need a little humor around here and my solutions to problems are not as funny when they don't work

Of men who have a sense of honor, more come through alive than are slain, but from those who flee comes neither glory nor any help.

Homer


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Related Solutions

#4
November 7, 2011 at 18:17:54
As this is a "general" post.....

I got bored with the "non questions" on the forum so in those idle moments typed into Google "Best food for a computer mouse". I was quite amazed that in the whole wide world some joker hadn't asked the question or that anyone hadn't just provided the info for laughs.

Better luck next try with "How to do nothing".

Funny old world


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#5
November 7, 2011 at 18:37:43
On a beautiful summers day two English tourists were driving through Wales.

At the town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch they stopped for lunch.

One of the tourists called over the waitress. "Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us? Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?"

The girl leaned over and said: "Burr... Gurr... King."


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#6
November 9, 2011 at 17:06:48
A Muslim, an Indian man and a politician are stranded and end up walking for miles to the nearest farm house. The farmer of course has only 2 rooms, so some one had to sleep in the barn. The Muslim volunteers, everyone is off to bed. 5 minutes later there is knock on the door and everyone gets up....It' the Muslim:"There are goats in there....it would be against my religion to sleep with the goats!", So, the Indian man says "all right I'll sleep in the barn!" Everyone goes back to bed. 5 minutes later there's a knock on the door and of course it's the Indian...."Cows!, there are cows in there, I cannot sleep with cows!" So, the politician says okay, okay...I'll sleep in the barn.......everyone goes back to bed. 5 minutes later there's a knock on the door, everyone gets back up and goes to the door, they open it.....and there's the pig!!!

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#7
November 10, 2011 at 23:59:30
President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"
The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor! . What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big boobs."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big boobs? Why kill a blonde with big boobs?"

Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you no one CARES about the 140 million Muslims".


Please come back & tell us if your problem is resolved.


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#8
November 14, 2011 at 12:49:51
A Muslim, a Christian and a Jew walk into a bar.

The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"


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#9
November 14, 2011 at 13:53:24
I just love those short sharp ones....

Always pop back and let us know the outcome - thanks


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#10
November 14, 2011 at 17:59:39
Two penguins walk into a bar...which is really strange because the second one should have seen it.

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