Tech Support in General...it DOES happen!

June 15, 2011 at 10:02:47
Specs: Win 7 pro, 2.667 GHz / 2004 MB
Reading these, you will know what I mean LOL...if you have any to share, feel free to post them!

Customer: Good afternoon, this is Martha. I can't print. Every
time I try, it says . . . 'CAN'T FIND PRINTER'. I even lifted the
printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still
says it can't find it!!!
......................................

Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech Support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah . .. . . . .. . . . . thank you.

................

Tech Support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear that my boyfriend bought for
me at the 7-11 store.
.....................................

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech Support: Are you sure your keyboard is plugged
into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech Support: Pick up your keyboard and take ten steps backwards.
Customer: Okay..
Tech Support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech Support: That means the keyboard is not plugged
in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Wait a
moment please. . .. . . . . Ah, that one does work. Thanks..
....................................

Tech Support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in
apple, a capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number '7'.
Customer: Is that '7' in capital letters?
...................................

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech Support: Are you absolutely sure you used the
correct password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure I saw my co-worker do it.
Tech Support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
.....................................

Tech Support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape
Tech Support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry . . . Internet Explorer.
.....................................

Customer: I have a huge problem! My friend has
placed a screen saver on my computer . . . but, every time I move my
mouse, it disappears.
.....................................

Tech Support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech Support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I
get the little circle around it.
.....................................

A woman customer called the Canon help desk because she had a problem
with her printer.
Tech Support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
The man sitting next to me is by a window, and his printer is working
fine!
.....................................

And last, but not least . . .


Tech Support: Okay Bob, press the control and escape
keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the
middle of the screen. Now, type the letter 'P' to bring up the
Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a 'P'.
Tech Support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean ?
Tech Support: ' P' . .. . on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!

.....................................

This ought ta make you feel better about your computer skills!

Some HELP in posting on Computing.net plus free progs and instructions Cheers


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#1
June 15, 2011 at 14:52:00
LOL!! Always funny afterward!

Thank you for sharing!

First one I heard was the cup holder broke.... 8-O


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#2
June 15, 2011 at 15:33:50
The best one I ever got was a customer sending me the following FAX: The computer is broke. Send someone out to fix it.


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#3
June 15, 2011 at 18:42:22
It never happened to me but a friend that worked at a small local shop in the early 90's said an older man brought him a computer his son gave him and stated that he wanted to sell it if he could just to get it out of his house. When my friend asked why and if anything was wrong with it he said " As far as I know it works but I think there is a spy program on it because it always seems to know when we get mail and it tells us." My friend said he tried to explain that it was "e-mail" ( electronic mail ) and probably from his son but the man wasn't hearing it. When he set it up and showed him the emails, mostly from the son asking how he liked his new computer, the old man said to tell him to stop send that stuff and left the computer there. He later used the mans email account to contact the son and explain what had transpired so that he could come and pick up the machine.

Likely


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#4
June 15, 2011 at 18:49:33
I don't get any of the funny stuff. I get " I don't know what's wrong" after the customer has again gone porn/virus surfing for the tenth time. I guess the best one I have gotten myself was a young mother that assumed the monitor was powered by the computer. I guess the monitor had been left on until she had a power outage. Afterwards the computer she thought no longer worked because she saw nothing on the screen. When I showed her how to turn on the monitor she felt really silly calling someone for that. I didn't have the heart to chage her.

Likely


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#5
June 16, 2011 at 14:39:01
... reposting Dell support audio click here he he he he ya ya ya!
.
Demonstrative exspelling
... there is logic to this madness!
http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/...
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... .im


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#6
June 16, 2011 at 15:50:24
A friend tells the story, way back in days of 8 inch floppies, one of his customers called and said the back up floppy was unreadable and what could he do?
The friend walked him through the process of making a new backup, told him to put it some place secure and assumed all was ok.
The next week he gets another call from the business, the backup is no good.
So once again he walks them through the backup process.
On the third call, he tells them to stop everything there doing, he'll be right over to see for himself what is going wrong.
My friend arrives at the business and asked the secretary where the backup floppy was.
At this point she points to a metal file cabinet, and there, was the 8 inch floppy, securely attached to the cabinet with a huge magnet.

MIKE

http://www.skeptic.com/


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#7
June 17, 2011 at 05:54:49
lol..thats funny .Can't stop laughing..

Well, got tihs from my archives..

After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant user
called the system maker's technical support line for assistance.

Technician:

Hello. How can I help you today?

Customer:

There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer

Technician:

Looks like you need a new power supply...

Customer:

No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files...

Technician:

Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it...

Customer:

No way! Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files
to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command...

For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's efforts to explain
the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was
right. So, in frustration, the technician responded...

Technician:

I'm sorry. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there's an
undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem...

Customer:

I knew it!

Technician:

Just add the line "LOAD NOSMOKE.COM" at the end of the CONFIG.SYS file and
everything should work fine. Let me know how it goes... About ten minutes
later, the technician received a call back from the customer...

Customer:

It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking...

Technician:

Well, what version of DOS are you using?>

Customer:

MS-DOS 6.22...

Technician:

Well, that's your problem. That version of DOS doesn't include NOSMOKE.
You'll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch. Let me know how
it all works out... When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again...

Customer:

I need a new power supply...

Technician:

How did you come to that conclusion?

Customer:

Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said, and he
started asking me questions about the make of the power supply...

Technician:

What did he tell you?

Customer:

He said my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE...

Subhash Chandra.
http://www.wintechgeek.com


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#8
June 17, 2011 at 07:22:53
How about the flip side where the tech support group is the problem?

That's not always so funny from the user's perspective.

I am in the middle of a situation with my company's tech support organization involving the installation of a network based printer. From my side of the issue, there is no humor involved.

For days after the physical installation of the printer by a service technician, my IT department kept telling me "We can't tell you when it will be accessible on the network. There is a process that needs to be followed to set the IP address and we can't give you a timeframe."

After a week of hearing this, I requested an escalation and was told that they would be sending out a service technician out to install the printer. Huh? When I told them that the printer was installed a week ago, they told me "Oh, then we just need to set the IP address which we can do remotely. However, we can't tell you when that will be done. There's a process that needs to be followed." Sound familar?

The next day, they remotely set the IP address - to the wrong address - so it doesn't match the printer queue address on the server.

I called and told them this and they said "We can't tell you when that will be fixed. There's a process that needs to be followed."

When I called the next day, they said they would take care of it over night and that I should cycle the printer in the morning and the printer queue address on all of our desktops will be updated to match the printer. "Really?" I said, "Cycling the power on the printer is going to change the address that we see on our systems, even after all of the printer queues have been loaded on our systems?" "Yes."

Of course, that did not work and I told them so the next morning. "Well, we can't tell you when that will be fixed. There's a process that needs to be followed."

With about 25 users impacted, the situation is not very funny.


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#9
June 17, 2011 at 11:09:15
subhash chandra, that was really funny! I have worked with people like that, that INSIST they have the answer and actually want YOU to believe it, and then you are to help them!

Some HELP in posting on Computing.net plus free progs and instructions Cheers


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