No wonder you searched for hours and didn't find anything that worked...You don't understand the technology.
First, let's talk about Java. Java and javascript are completely different, and not even distantly related. When Java was all the rage and Netscape created their client-side scripting language, they decided to use some of the syntax, siphon off Java's popularity and call it javascript. You seem to be using the two terms interchangeably, which causes alot of confusion.
HTML alone is incapable of doing anything interactive. It's a way of displaying data, and in the case of forms, giving an interface for the user to provide data to some other program. So forget about getting this done in HTML exclusively.
Javascript is a very limited client-side scripting language (or at least for our purposes in this thread it is.) It lets you do things like validate user input, move things around on the screen, refresh the page, write dynamic content, etc. Any javascript based chat program would operate on a "refresh" kind of system, where javascript would refresh the page every 5 or 10 seconds. It would also work on a higher percentage of computers than a Java based program, because most browsers support javascript. Nothing you can do will work on each and every user.
Java is a full blown programming language that can pretty much do anything. For what you want to do, you would have a Java "Applet" that the user (if they're trusting enough) downloads and uses to chat. This is how yahoo's chat programs work.
The last option would be to use an ActiveX based solution. ActiveX is similar to Java, but only works in internet explorer.
For a full-featured chat application, you'll have to use some kind of server-side scripting language (probably ASP since you're using frontpage, but PHP would work) and a database to store the information (Access or mySQL.) Server side scripting languages allow you to store data on the server, then retrieve it and change it each time a page is accessed. These pages output normal HTML, but are written using Perl, PHP, ASP, JSP, ColdFusion, ASP.NET, etc. I know you don't want to do it, but if you want control over individual users you have to have a way to store that information (the database) and a way to retrieve it (PHP or ASP).
The same goes for your hit counter question...It's impossible for HTML or Javascript to do this. It would be silly to use java applets, so you're stuck with PHP or ASP. I'm sorry if this isn't the answer you're looking for, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Now that you're armed with a very basic and oversimplified knowledge of what web technologies are for what kinds of applications, you should be able to narrow down your search and find something that works. You should start out with something like freejavachat.com...Even though it breaks your requirement of having control over it yourself, I doubt you're willing to put in the time to learn everything you need to learn to get this going yourself.
A google search for free chat java applet brought up some good results, and hotscripts.com should have what you need.
Good luck,
-SN
